HEMISFEAR
02-16-09, 07:56.36 PM
648
No.10 - They let their dogs in the car
OK, know those slutty C-list wannabe celebrities whose best film work was in “accidentally leaked” home movies? They’re the types who let their dogs in the car. Everyday women do this too. And why? Even the use of “dog” is stretching it, since the canines in question are possibly cats with personality disorders. Anyway, one yippy little thing riding on the lap of another yippy little thing equals one big reason women can’t drive.
649
No.9 - They let their friends in the car
We let our buddies ride in the car with us, and what happens? Every guy is acting like he’s the driver. We all have our eyes on the road at all times, regardless of the discussion. Conversations are held without eye contact as long as the car’s moving, period. For women, the focus is on everyone except the world rushing at them. Do us a favor: If you’re going to do that on the road, take the bus.
650
No.8 - They obstruct their vision with crap
One of the reasons women can’t drive is because they can’t see out of their cars. Maybe we missed the memo, but exactly when did it become a good idea to hang 20 pounds of beads, leis and other assorted crap from the rearview mirror to block your vision? These women would be better off driving backward. Oh wait, no they wouldn’t, because more often than not there’s another 20 pounds of crap on the shelf by the back window. Until women ditch the window dressing, this reason women can't drive stands.
651
No.7 - They sing while driving
Road tunes are as vital as gas itself, but some of what passes for music lately must be partially to blame for bad driving. We’ll contemplate the cultural significance of Katy Perry some other time, but singing along with her or whatever other disposable artist du jour while driving is a disaster on standby. When women sing and drive, the driving becomes far less a concern than the choreography to go with the shrieking. Please, no encore.
652
No.6 - They use the mirrors to look at themselves
Even if your girlfriend can and does get by without applying trowels of makeup behind the wheel, we're willing to wager she still uses the mirrors for personal reasons. Yes, just to look at herself. Like her looks are going to metamorphose into Quasimodo between stoplights. But, hey, why wait for stoplights when you can flip down the visor and open a world of oblivion?
No.10 - They let their dogs in the car
OK, know those slutty C-list wannabe celebrities whose best film work was in “accidentally leaked” home movies? They’re the types who let their dogs in the car. Everyday women do this too. And why? Even the use of “dog” is stretching it, since the canines in question are possibly cats with personality disorders. Anyway, one yippy little thing riding on the lap of another yippy little thing equals one big reason women can’t drive.
649
No.9 - They let their friends in the car
We let our buddies ride in the car with us, and what happens? Every guy is acting like he’s the driver. We all have our eyes on the road at all times, regardless of the discussion. Conversations are held without eye contact as long as the car’s moving, period. For women, the focus is on everyone except the world rushing at them. Do us a favor: If you’re going to do that on the road, take the bus.
650
No.8 - They obstruct their vision with crap
One of the reasons women can’t drive is because they can’t see out of their cars. Maybe we missed the memo, but exactly when did it become a good idea to hang 20 pounds of beads, leis and other assorted crap from the rearview mirror to block your vision? These women would be better off driving backward. Oh wait, no they wouldn’t, because more often than not there’s another 20 pounds of crap on the shelf by the back window. Until women ditch the window dressing, this reason women can't drive stands.
651
No.7 - They sing while driving
Road tunes are as vital as gas itself, but some of what passes for music lately must be partially to blame for bad driving. We’ll contemplate the cultural significance of Katy Perry some other time, but singing along with her or whatever other disposable artist du jour while driving is a disaster on standby. When women sing and drive, the driving becomes far less a concern than the choreography to go with the shrieking. Please, no encore.
652
No.6 - They use the mirrors to look at themselves
Even if your girlfriend can and does get by without applying trowels of makeup behind the wheel, we're willing to wager she still uses the mirrors for personal reasons. Yes, just to look at herself. Like her looks are going to metamorphose into Quasimodo between stoplights. But, hey, why wait for stoplights when you can flip down the visor and open a world of oblivion?